I-dont-know-what-to-do.

It's November already. Two months after starting degree life, been having a tough time facing all the hindrances that came about. It's like after you done solving this, the next issue turns up. When is this ever going to end, perhaps never? Life is full of challenges, I believe, but how long can a person stay firm and never falls? 

The love life which sails smoothly all these while, met up with some storms and got shifted a little.

Both of us, suddenly became so different from what we used to be, or maybe, we just do not understand each other like how we used to..

I know, studies come first and I tried not to occupy his time that much.

I just don't understand what's all these anymore and I do not know what should i do.

Like what happened tonight. Last few days, suddenly he just mentioned that he will not join the Orientation Organizing Committee to avoid us from arguements/fights/misunderstandings. I felt glad inside, i meant, well at least he knows it would probably upsets me. 

However, today he was asking my permission, I know I do not have a choice. He just wanted me to say Yes. Therefore I just said in a not-happy manner, just go if you want to, in case you blame me for not letting you joining and stuffs. So what happened to what he told me last few days? I have no idea. Things came crushing inwards. I was supposed to go for 8tv Shout Awards tomorrow, but there he went just now. Why do you wanna go? ETC ETC ETC. GAH I FELT SO.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE. 

Why whenever I have events that I shall join, I would just let it go. And in the end, I did not manage to join anything when he can do all that. It's not about controlling or not, I just felt that it's unfair isn't it. When he can do it, and i could not. It crossed my mind a lot of times, the thought of not choosing IMU for my degree. I felt that if i joined IMU, non of these crappy stuffs would happen. All i could feel is my heart kept on twisting with itself. All the time when I asked him if it's a wrong choice not to go IMU, but he said it is a right choice... Is it really a right choice? I got really confused by all these happenings. There is no way I could solve them anymore. If he doesn't join as an OO, I would feel bad, because the reason of stopping him is Me. And if he really does join, I know I cannot promise there would be no arguments, fights, tears. I wish I am not this attached to a guy. How i wish i could. I dont know what to think right now, feeling so lost. Lost, again, and again..